I didn't ask for anything not really

I didn't ask for anything, not really.

The wording was wrong in my head—

something about wanting him not to want me

and not wanting him to know I wanted that.

Late last night the photo came through.

11:47 PM. The ring caught the flash

like it had been waiting under a light for years.

I thought I should cry.

I sat there scrolling, the blue light

on my face, and I waited

for the feeling to start, the way it always does,

the way it's supposed to.

My hands stayed warm.

My chest stayed regular.

I was alone in my apartment and it was fine.

It was more than fine.

It was the thing I never knew to ask for.