Finalized

The word came through the chat:

"finalized."

Five thumbs-up emojis.

None of them mine.

My mother and my brothers

had made the trip a thing,

had decided the dates, the hotel,

the restaurant reservations,

and then they texted me

the itinerary.

Not asked.

Told.

As if I were information

they were distributing,

a package they were confirming arrival for.

I stared at the thumbs-ups.

My phone felt small in my hand.

I could say no.

I could say I can't go.

But what I'd really be saying is

I don't want to be part of this,

and that's not what I want to say at all.

I want to want what they decided.

I want to like the restaurant they picked.

I want to fit into the thing

they made without me.

So I typed back: "Sounds good."

No emoji.

Just the bare fact of my compliance.