The Gadfly

All gentle folks who owe a grudge

      To any living thing

Open your ears and stay your t(r)udge

      Whilst I in dudgeon sing.

The Gadfly he hath stung me sore—

      O may he ne'er sting you!

But we have many a horrid bore,—

      He may sting black and blue.

Has any here an old gray Mare

      With three legs all her store,

O put it to her Buttocks bare

      And straight she 'll run on four.

Has any here a Lawyer suit

      Of 1743,

Take Lawyer's nose and put it to 't

      And you the end will see.

Is there a Man in Parliament

      Dum(b)founder'd in his speech,

O let his neighbour make a rent

      And put one in his breech.

O Lowther how much better thou

      Hadst figur'd t' other day

When to the folks thou mad'st a bow

      And hadst no more to say.

If lucky Gadfly had but ta'en

      His seat...

And put thee to a little pain

      To save thee from a worse.

Better than Southey it had been,

      Better than Mr. D———

Better than Wordsworth, too, I ween,

      Better than Mr. V———.

Forgive me, pray, good people all,

      For deviating so—

In spirit sure I had a call—

      And now I on will go.

Has any here a daughter fair

      Too fond of reading novels,

Too apt to fall in love with care

      And charming Mister Lovels,

O put a Gadfly to that thing

      She keeps so white and pert—

I mean the finger for the ring,

      And it will breed a wort.

Has any here a pious spouse

      Who seven times a day

Scolds as King David pray'd, to chouse

      And have her holy way—

O let a Gadfly's little sting

      Persuade her sacred tongue

That noises are a common thing,

      But that her bell has rung.

And as this is the summum bo-

      num of all conquering,

I leave 'withouten wordes mo'

      The Gadfly's little sting.