She sat there in a chair that cost more than my car

She sat there in a chair that cost more than my car

and told me my panic was actually just boredom.

I looked at her face, which felt very far,

and wondered if she’d ever known the sort of odium

that makes you want to peel off your own skin.

She gestured to a bowl of smooth, dusty stones

on a mahogany table. She said, 'Begin

by finding a hobby that settles your bones.'

I wanted to tell her that my inner child

isn't looking for a knitting kit or a hike.

It’s a howling thing, frantic and wild,

not a bored little girl on a shiny new bike.

I watched a stone catch the light of the sun,

a grey, flat nothing with nowhere to go.

I paid the receptionist when we were done

and walked out feeling remarkably low.