False Alarm

2am.

The alarm screaming.

The building dying or pretending to die.

We all went down.

Strangers in pajamas.

Strangers in the cold dark.

The street suddenly full

of people who lived above me

but I'd never seen their faces.

I thought:

This is it.

This is the moment everything shifts.

The relief was enormous.

The fear was real.

The cold was real.

The way my heart was moving

was real.

Then someone said: drill.

Just practice.

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing actually wrong.

Just an exercise

in evacuation.

We'd evacuated.

We were fine.

Nothing was actually on fire.

But standing there,

I'd felt something might matter.

I'd felt something could change.

I'd felt the world could shift

and I would have to shift with it.

And then it was just practice.

Everyone went back.

Back to bed.

Back to the normal distance.

Back to assuming

nothing is going to happen.

That nothing ever happens.

That we just keep practicing

for an emergency

that will never arrive.

I stood there longer.

Waiting for something to make sense.

Waiting for the drill to mean

something more

than a drill.

But the alarm had stopped.

The people had left.

And I was just someone

in pajamas

at 2am

who'd been ready

for something

that was never coming.