Still Playing

I stood by the ice cream when it came on.

Months I'd avoided this song,

months of different routes, skipped playlists,

but the grocery store had no mercy.

The fluorescent light kept flickering

above the frozen things. A speaker

I couldn't find played every word

I used to know by heart.

I couldn't walk away without giving

myself away. So I read a pizza box.

Crust. Sauce. Cheese. The ingredients

of nothing I needed to know.

My hands were shaking. I moved

to produce, stood there choosing

nothing, pretending the frozen air

was the only reason my eyes were wet.

The light kept going out and coming back.

The song kept playing. I kept standing

in the aisle like I had nowhere else to be,

like I hadn't spent months trying to forget

what that voice could do to me.