The No That Saved Me

I saw it on a Tuesday night,

his face next to hers, side by side,

the word "separated" burning bright,

the thing that I had tried.

I used to pray for him,

used to beg on my knees,

used to make my chances slim

by wanting him to please.

But God said no, or time,

or something I don't know,

something that was kind,

something that said no.

If I had gotten what I'd asked,

I'd be there in that frame,

I'd be there wearing that mask,

learning loss, learning shame.

Instead I'm here, I'm free,

in a life I didn't plan,

and I'm grateful, finally,

for the no, for the way it ran.

He's hurting now, I know,

his marriage falling apart,

and I'm sorry, but also so

relieved it wasn't my heart.

I got saved by the no,

by the prayers that went unheard,

by the way that grace ran slow,

and that's the best gift that I've earned.