The carton was heavier than last time

The carton was heavier than last time.

Or maybe I was just tired.

I looked at the price tag.

Looked away.

Looked back like the numbers might change

if I gave them another chance.

They didn't.

My fingers did the math anyway.

Moved like they were counting bills

I don't have.

There's a moment when you realize

you can't afford the basic things.

Not because you're poor enough for that to be normal.

But because you're just barely missing the line.

Just past the point where this should still be easy.

Eggs.

Just eggs.

The kind of thing that shouldn't require a calculation.

I put the carton back.

Picked it up again.

Put it back.

A woman watched me do this twice.

Like I was deciding something important.

I wasn't.

I was just trying to figure out

if I could justify it.

If the math could work if I didn't buy

coffee for a week.

If I stopped going out for lunch.

If I cut back on things I'm already

not doing.

The carton went back on the shelf.

I bought bread instead.

Cheaper. Less honest about

how hungry I actually am.