I said we yesterday

I said "we" yesterday.

Just slipped out.

Sitting at my desk, someone asked about the movie,

and I said "we thought it was good"

when really I meant "I sat alone

in a theater full of couples

and families

and people who had someone to sit next to."

But "we" came out.

And now I'm trapped.

Someone will ask me a follow-up question.

Someone always does.

"Oh, who'd you go with?"

And I'll have to name a friend.

And then that friend will have to not exist.

And then I'll have to lie again.

Or I'll just say a name

and hope nobody fact-checks me.

Hope nobody calls them.

Hope I'm not important enough

to warrant that kind of attention.

This is what it's like

to be lonely in a way that embarrasses you.

Not the kind of lonely you can admit.

The kind where you make up

a "we" to cover the "I."

I could correct it.

I could say "Actually, I went alone."

But that sounds worse somehow.

That sounds like I'm confessing

to something shameful.

Like going to a movie by yourself

is a crime I need to apologize for.

The lie is easier.

The lie is smaller.

The lie makes me seem

like a person with friends.

Like a person who does things

with other people.

Like a person who isn't

sitting in a dark theater

pretending the strangers around me

are enough.

I'll probably tell it again.

The next time someone asks.

The next time I need to be

the version of me that isn't alone.

And nobody will know

except me.