Appointment

I told my supervisor I had a dentist appointment

and drove to a park I'd never been to

and ate a turkey sandwich from the gas station

in the car with the engine off.

Turkey on white in the plastic triangle case.

The kind that's been in a refrigerator

since before you wanted it.

I ate it anyway. It was fine.

A kid was on the swings about forty feet away.

Just pumping. No one watching him.

I watched him.

The guilt arrived around the first half.

Right on schedule.

The specific guilt of a thing that requires

no effort at all to not do.

And then the resentment arrived,

right behind it.

I'd like to say it was righteous

but it was more like: I am sitting in a parking lot

eating a gas station sandwich on a Tuesday

and I feel guilty about this.

I feel guilty about this.

The kid dragged his feet to stop.

Got off. Walked away without looking back at the swings.

I sat for another twenty minutes.

Wrapper on the passenger seat

because the trash can was across the lot.

I drove back.

My supervisor asked about the Hendricks deck.

I said I'd have it Thursday.

She nodded. I sat down.

No cavities. Just a reminder to floss.